On alcoholic barflies and drunk drivers…
The best thing about bartending is you get to see the best people at their worst and the worst people at their best. Sometimes your are surprised for the better, most of the time you are filled with the worst kind of rage known to man.
1) Act like an adult. Learn to operate 12 ounces before you operate 2000 lbs.
2) Whiskey doesn’t make you angry. Neither does tequila. You are inherently angry. Drinking is truth serum.
3) Be good to each other. Nobody stepped on your foot on purpose. Yes, he might have been checking out your girl (Guess what? Your girl is hot! Congrats! People still find her attractive!). Don’t gamble on pool or darts unless you carry $100 bills; that is table minimum nationwide. No drinks, no cigarettes…$100 cold hard cash per game. It will make you smile or shut the fuck up right quick.
4) If it’s a digital jukebox, you have no right to complain about the music. People like crap music. People will always like crap music. If you are going to hate, blame the digital jukebox. They are the worst thing to happen to bars since flavored vodka. See also: Meatloaf.
Fuck, it’s time for bed. Tip well, but only if they deserve it. Seriously. Tipping is too commonplace. If they earn it, let them have it. But understand that they’re human, too. You are allowed to listen.
