My answers…
…to this article. (via cleversimon)
What’s the craziest drinking feat you’ve ever seen?
We have a regular, Nate, that will willingly drink spill mat shots at the end of the night. You know that big black strip of rubber on the peanut rail of the bar? The one that catches all the overpours and drips? We pour that into a shot glass and he drinks it.
Our daytime bartender is pretty crazy. She once talked a regular into a trip to Vegas…that day. She got off at 7:00pm, they drove to the aiprport and hopped the first flight to Mclaren.
What’s the best pickup move you’ve ever seen executed?
Traditionally, I’ve never (in almost 10 years of bartending) seen a pickup move/line work. Conversation works. Jukebox selections work. Funny seals the deal.
What are some tricks you’ve seen used to cheat customers?
Customer on customer cheating? Pool. If a guy is playing pool for drinks and losing, never take the next step and play him for money; he’s usually sandbagging. It’s always better to lose a $4.50 drink than a $20 bill.
Bartender on customer cheating? I’ve seen/experienced bartenders adding drinks to large tabs. Those bartenders are going to hell.
What’s your least favorite type of customer?
By phrase:
- “Tell me a joke.”
- “Did you hear the joke about the…”
- “Can I get a strong ______…” I pour them like I drink them. All of our drinks are strong. And if I like you, I might get you a shot as a sidecar.
- Asking “Did you already call last call?” at 2:20am. If you really want a drink after last call, ask the bartender for a shot, straight-up. Whiskey, bourbon, tequila, etc. One bottle, one glass. Tip well.
- “Can you give me a ride home?”
- “Is this a good enough tip?” Tip whatever you feel I deserve. If you’re a good person and it was a small tip, it’s still a win.
By type:
- Customers that talk about politics, or religion.
- Customers that talk about money. The golden rule of bars? If you have money, you don’t talk about money.
- I don’t drink in your bedroom, don’t fuck in my bar. A light kiss here and there is OK, nothing wrong with looking like you’re in love. Save your classy girl’s tongue for the back seat.
- Customers that ask if we have sake, champagne, cachaca, mojitos, blended drinks, absinthe, when it is quite clear that we are a sports tavern. Wine is OK (for the ladies).
- Customers with relationship issues that fight in the bar. Take it home, you’re making us all uncomfortable (and if you see a girl crying at the bar, don’t be afraid to swoop in. Golden opportunity).
- Don’t assume that I do blow. Not all bartenders put their tips up their nose. If you smell like weed, I’ll let you know. Come out of the bathroom with powder on your nose, I’ll call the cops. I’ve seen far too many good bars get shut down because of cokers.
Is there a drink order that’ll get a customer laughed at?
Fuzzy Navel
Amaretto Sour
Midori Sour
Greyhound (for fuck’s sake, call it a gin and grapefruit).
Sex on the Beach
Appletini
Mojito
What’s the best way to get a bartender’s attention?
Know the bartender by name and don’t be offended if it takes a few times to remember yours. He has to know every person in the bar, you only have to know the bartender.
Know what you want when you get to the bar. I’m usually set on what I’m drinking when I step out of the house. Have money or credit card ready.
A good bartender will also never stand with his back facing the customers. They should see you/aknowledge you immediately, or ask if you want another when you have 25% of your drink left.
Have you ever been hit on or picked up by a customer?
My wife and I knew each other through a friend, but it wasn’t until I had the three-feet of safety space between us (the bar) that I worked up the nerve to hit on her. I totally shot out of my league and it worked. We’ll be married four years this October.
Prior to my wife I was a very good boy, but I was also very narcissistic. If a girl hit on me it would just build up my ego, maybe lead to some kissing or boobage. I was more fascinated with the challenge. And if she drank whiskey, she definitely had my attention.
Never throw yourself at the bartender. If you’re interested, act about 15% interested. Smile. And if you’re a girl going for a guy, don’t worry about over-tipping. If you’re a guy going for a girl, sign for about 30%-50%. Seriously. And as always, funny seals the deal.
Have you been given anything other than money as a tip?
I’ve had two guys arrested for putting blow on the bar.
If you have a core group of regulars, Christmas is awesome. They’ll treat you like family. I’ve received bottles of Johnny Blue, Veuve, gift certificates, concert tickets. Treat them like you want to be treated and they’ll usually reciprocate, but never expect special treatment. A bartender is there to serve the customer. If he/she kids themself out of that, they’re not going to last long.
When my son was born, one regular had the women in his church group make a hand-made quilt to celebrate. We were really touched.
I even had one regular that would let me borrow his Harley Heritage Softail on weekends. I had no training, no endorsement, and I’m proud to say that I learned how to ride on an 800lb bike.My wife and I had a blast.
How do you keep from sampling the product?
I could never work in a place where I wasn’t allowed drink. You can bartend buzzed and drunk, but never wasted. A good bartender has balanced wits and a balanced till.
For some reason, and I’m not sure where this originated, but I buy all my own shots. I politely thank the customer for their offer and do the shot with them, but as far as I’m concerned, the gesture is enough. Why add to their bill what they could be drinking?
What’s the weirdest drink request you’ve ever received?
Vodka and coke (vodka is always with 7, soda, tonic or juice)
Bourbon and diet, no ice
A guy bought a whole round for the bar, but wouldn’t let me make it until he left. “Say it’s from you,” he said. “That cute girl will be impressed.”
